Kannon
by Oldwickedsongs
Summary: [Complete] Sequel to Paragon of Animals Sesshoumaru seeks his former self in the lands of the one person who can give it to him. All she wants in return is the one thing he is unwilling to give: Rin.
1. Dove

Disclaimer: "If we shadows have offended, think but this and all is mended,

That you did but slumber'd here while these visions did appear.

And this weak and idle theme is no more yielding then a dream."

-Midsummer's Night Dream

**Kannon  
** **By: Lady Erised**

_"I hear, the voices say "Don't be so blind."_

_It's telling me all these things_

_That you probably hide…_

_Am I your one and only desire?_

_Am I the reason you breath,_

_Or am I the reason you cry?"_

- Saliva "Always"

**Prologue: Dove**

The fields below seemed to stretch out to eternity and it seemed that if she wanted to, Rin would be able to sit there on her perch and stare out into the world forever. For his part, Lord Sesshoumaru of the Western Lands let her watch. It kept her quiet and satisfied and for the first time in a long time, she was content to be within his company again. He suppressed a blossom of doubt that flowered inside of him brought his attention back to his own his thoughts, and foreboding. He looked out, towards the beautiful day and tried to focus only on that.

He flexed his delicate hand under the sleeves of his robes and tried to forget the dull ache in the muscles of his absent arm. It had been those phantom pains that had surged under his skin, and taken him to Tama's palace. It had been his own pride that silenced his tongue against the old Kitsune's accusations that he had become soft, had surrendered his title as feared Taiyoukai to become a child's pet, a human's diversion. And it had been his sentiment that had stayed him from hurting or killing Tama.

Tama, however, had felt no such sentiment. Since their fall out, Tama had hexed him, binding Sesshoumaru in a human form while his powers destroyed him, had sent a spy to turn Rin against him, and almost killed his brother in the process. Not the Sesshoumaru necessarily minded harm to come Inuyasha's way. He just preferred that he be the harbinger of such pain. Tama's trickery had also brought out darker parts of a past Sesshoumaru forsook a long time ago and despised to see flouted again.

But almost a month had passed since Tama and his trickery. Either the Fox had given up on his crusade of revenge, (unlikely if Sesshoumaru knew his old friend) or was merely bidding his time till the prefect opportunity presented itself. This was most likely the case, Sesshoumaru knew.

And besides, he thought bitterly. Tama had succeeded in wounding him.

He turned and watched Rin again.

For what was not the first time, nor he knew to be the last, there was sadness and a distance in her small all-knowing eyes. Her eyes caught him watching her and it made Rin tremble, something she had never done before. The stress of this whole ordeal had weighed hard on the small girl; so much so, Sesshoumaru thought for a moment it had broken her.

Rin no longer sang her songs, nor did she raise her head to meet the sun. Instead she shifted from place to place on Ah-Un's back, and was cast about by the wind, never complaining. Something about the change made Sesshoumaru shift and fidget. He was one accustomed to a certain order, and it pained him to see his world so unhinged.

"Lord Jaken."

"Yes, Rin?" The Imp turned, watching her intently, and never glancing towards Sesshoumaru. It made him shift again. His had always been the first person Rin turned to with questions. He shot Jaken a glare before looking away, pretending to study the outside world.

"What does that mean, Lord Jaken?" Rin asked, pointing towards the fields below them. "Who are they?"

Jaken tilted his head and stared down. Swept across the fields like paint, were countless bands from two convoys as they approached one another, banners and flags unfurled and beating in the wind. From their distance, Sesshoumaru could read the Kanji painted across the banners. Rival clans, represented by the blue or green of their House and Name; adorned in their finest and presenting their colors proudly.

Humans. Sesshoumaru had no use for their kind.

"They are the daimyos from this area, Rin." Jaken said simply, and as was his way to embellish. "Those two families have been at war for decades, from their grandparents, and finally meet in peace here on the plain the feud began."

Rin was watching intently as a woman emerged from one convoy, bejeweled and adorned in Wedding red. Rin gasped a little at her delicate, painted beauty. The other convoy parted to reveal a youth: dressed in armor and tanned by the sun. He dismounted his horse, and took several uncertain steps towards the bride before breaking into a run. And there before gods, demons and both parties: the youth ran to his love, took her into his arms and kissed her.

Jaken seemed to smile. "And they come to end the feud."

Rin was entranced by the bride and groom, as they hung to each other. The elders seemed to watch the couple, displeased but tolerant. Both daimyo nodded before the woman's father bowed deeply, and accepted his counterpart's bow and withdrew. The woman then followed her husband to his horse and followed them to her new life.

"Why did they fight Lord Jaken?"

"A great dishonor was done to one house by the other. It is that way with humans."

"But it happened so long ago…"

"Yes, but all humans have are their names, Rin."

"Why?"

"Because," Jaken seemed to hesitate now. In truth, he was no more knowledgeable about humans and their affairs then Sesshoumaru, and things like love, hate and history meant entirely different things to those who lived as the world lived: ever steady, and never changing. "Your name, Rin, your family, is all that belongs to you that you can leave behind for your children or take from your parents. It's what's left after…the end."

Rin shifted suddenly, growing quiet. Her face darkened, and something crossed it that had not been there since before Sesshoumaru pulled Tenseiga and retook what had been stolen: a quiet, fearful haunted look that blanked out her brown eyes.

The blade at Sesshoumaru's hip pulsed, causing his attention to pull away from trying to ignore Rin, and Jaken and brought back to them just in time for Rin's soft, dull question. "Jaken, do you I had a name like that?"

Jaken jumped a little at her question. He glanced nervously to Sesshoumaru who made certain to keep his face cold and stony. _You started it, _he told his retainer wordlessly, _finish it_.

Rin's eyes were turned away from them both, as her fingers traced the edge of one of Ah-Un's scales. "I remember my father, my real father, carried an old bow. He wore old…armor that creaked. It wasn't at all like Lord Sesshoumaru's. The old man my father visited called us poor, and would always take the money from father." Her face twisted a little, as she tried to trudge up the memories from long ago. "He made mama cry, and hit Jomei once…father didn't stop him…"

Sesshoumaru rose to his feet then, refusing to hear anymore. "That doesn't matter now."

Rin watched him stand, and shrunk back a little. "Daddy stayed up late that night. He was polishing his bow, he said…" She looked down, and shut her eyes suddenly. "I stayed up because he didn't tell me a bedtime story. I saw him cry…"

Sesshoumaru found himself thinking back to his own father, to the Inutaisho's tears. He remembered it surreal and half-imagined, with the Dog General's arms around his son from behind. He could remember feeling the great demon's body trembling against his back, could feel the way his father's face buried into his mane and something deep inside Sesshoumaru he could only describe as shame. He found himself trembling now, at the idea of Rin feeling the same. "It doesn't matter."

"It matters to me!" Rin shouted suddenly. There was no anger in the small girl's voice; no doubt or rebuke. Instead, there was a dark, consuming fear that overwhelmed the girl as she spoke, as she came to the realization while speaking. "It matters to me…I saw him crying." Her frown deepened. "But…I don't remember his smile, Lord Jaken. I can't…I don't know how he laughed."

Jaken folded his arms over his chest, searching the ground for words. "You were very young when he left you, Rin. And memories are such frail things, even for Youkai." He looked up, keeping his voice gentle but bold. He had to appear strong at this moment. "Given time, all things fade, and it's our nature to remember pain more so then joy."

Sesshoumaru found himself wondering when Jaken had become wise, and glanced carelessly towards Rin. The young girl frowned at his words but seemed to accept them. "In time, will you forget me?" Rin looked up then and turned towards Sesshoumaru. "Or does it even matter?"

Sesshoumaru looked away then, staring out towards the plains which moments before had represented peace and common ground for the two human warlords and their provinces. Sesshoumaru felt old suddenly as he stared out into the world of man. He could remember these lands, and their peoples as they had been when he was younger: when humans clutched together and been so obsessed with the common, meager attempts at life.

He imagined he saw Rin during those times, small and an insignificant wisp of fear, and hopes, and dreams. He found he could not picture her before: as something abstract, unformed and unreal. He never cared to wonder about her life before that first moment she had peered through the foliage of the forests. If pressed, Sesshoumaru would admit to not truly remembering even that time.

In truth, his first real memory of her had been her scent: her blood, fear merging with wolf salvia. It had struck him as a curious afterthought, a déjà vu, and Tenseiga's pulse only deepened the curiosity. The scent had been something he should know, and place it. It should be something remembered.

_Given time, all things fade…even memories._

Sesshoumaru found himself wondering if he would forget Rin when she had passed from this world. He surprised himself by even thinking this. She had become so right, so tightly fixed into his world that he neglected to remember she was human, and therefore fleeting. Like snow, ice or family.

And then, Sesshoumaru was struck with the most disturbing sensation of all: the resolute determination that he would not. He didn't know exactly what he was refusing to do or not to do: but he was determined to refuse this…change that would come.

His arm ached, and he felt tired again. He had felt this weak for some time now, since he first stumbled towards Tama's palace and through the all the storms and hell that came after. He felt tired even now, when standing besides Rin, he could not touch her. Physically she was there, but not in the way that mattered. Not her. Not the child whose brown eyes trembled so much, and trusted him so wholly.

He discovered he wanted it back. Somewhere along the line, he had lost himself. Tama and his spells, Zen and his betrayals had stolen something very dear from Sesshoumaru, something he hadn't been able to regain since Zen's death.

Sesshoumaru was afraid. Not of Tama, Naraku, or some other outside force. His fear was nestled in the pit of his stomach like a cancer, and ate away out him. He could not name it. Suddenly, he wanted his strength back, his confidence and his assuredness in the world. Tama had taken that from him he realized now, staring out into the plains.

And he had no way to get it back.

It happened then.

A sign.

A horse raced crossed the plains, a magnificent creature of muscles, will and strength. His brown coat gleamed in the sunlight as it raced. The horse paused, and circled, inclining his head towards the cliff. It seemed to nod to Sesshoumaru twice, bowing his head before jerking and taking off again in pursuit of its elusive goal.

Sesshoumaru turned his head and watched the horse till it had disappeared even from his view on its journey southward. Though his face betrayed nothing, Sesshoumaru felt relieved, and even thankful. Perhaps he could not regain what he had alone. But she would.

And Kanzeon was waiting.


	2. Skylark

Author's Note: For Babbitt, who makes every day a little brighter and reminds me its okay to be silly, even if someone is looking and for Arin who's reviews make me smile and wanna update.

_Oh, skylark, I don't know, I don't know  
if you can find these things,  
but my heart, my heart is riding on your wings.  
So if you see them anywhere  
won't you lead me there?_

_-_ Johnny Mercer "Skylark"

**Chapter One: Skylark**

They traveled till the air became salty and the foliage became tougher, darker and sparse. The lush, thickly populated trees that covered that lands and were familiar gradually wasted away into trees and plants and birds that Rin could no longer name, and trust. The sky even seemed to be different, turning gray and making the air moist and sticky.

It was not unpleasant, at first but at times, the humidity stuck to her skin, making it itch. The unease that came with the saltiness of the air merged with Rin's thought process, and her fears turning this adventure into one far more dangerous then any of those traveled before.

Nothing seemed familiar anymore; it made Rin tired and nervous even though she had done this all before.

Ah-Un had flew most of the time, with Rin on his back while Jaken and Sesshoumaru existed only as a cloud of brilliant light pulsing and pushing forward before them. They belonged to a whole other world then, Rin thought, as she peered up at them in a quiet mixture of awe, sadness and loneliness.

How very much she would miss them.

She thought for a moment how beautiful her Sesshoumaru was, and how very much she would worry for him now. She didn't want to go, but she knew somehow she had too. He had become something dark, lurking and cold. Lord Sesshoumaru had always been distant, like the moon or the future, but he had never been cruel. She had seen him fight, seen him treat and mistreat others before but never her or Jaken, never with really meaning it.

Now, every time she saw his face, she saw Tama's dark eyes. When she felt his hand holding her, and brushing her skin, all Rin could feel was the claws. They had always been there, she told herself, but now she knew what they were for. There was a difference.

He was no longer Sesshoumaru Lord: that powerful king she had found alone and in need of her in the forest. He was the Sesshoumaru of Four Creeks, of Tama, of everything that the one called Inuyasha had always said him to be.

She found herself thinking of Jaken. He had told her once of her Lord's swords. Tenseiga, the one never pulled, was a blade of peace, of caution and compassion. Tokijin, Jaken had told her, was a sword that deserved Sesshoumaru. It was powerful, dark and deadly.

She had always thought of Sesshoumaru as Tenseiga, something secretive, cautious, and withheld. Tokijin was a storm, and death contained in one small piece of metal.

And somewhere along the lines, between Zen and Tama, and humanity and Nanashi and the others; Rin had ceased to recognize her Lord. He had become something distant and deadly.

He was the Sesshoumaru of Tokijin.

And she couldn't wait to be away from this darkness.

Still, she thought sadly, who would make Jaken smile those hidden smiles now, or who will attend to Ah-Un to make sure he was happy and petted. And who, she wondered, will bring Sesshoumaru small gifts in hopes of pleasing him. Who would care for her Lord when she was gone?

And then, where would she go? Back to the village with those men and their hard faces and fists? Her father and mother were resting there, along the empty marker that had Jomei's name but not his body. She remembered, distantly, of her mother's sister who had a small house, seven children and a fat husband who smelled like sweet wine. She remembered that they use to travel there when the winter was fading, but not yet done to share a dinner. She remembered the house was always hot from cooking and loud from the kids that clustered around her aunt. Jomei had once told her that the woman was not really the children's mother, nor, in truth was, this woman their mother's sister. They just called her that because they had grown up together.

Jomei had told her these children had no real mother or father, and they had all stumbled to their aunt who couldn't support them but couldn't say no. He said they were lucky; they had real parents. They would never have to be like those children and depend on strangers.

Then, he had used the word family with her. The woman, he had said darkly, and all her thin, wild-eyed children were not a real family like they were. They didn't have blood, and didn't love one another. That's what he said they needed to be a real family.  
Rin blinked, and hugged Ah-Un's neck. She didn't have a real family anymore and soon, she wouldn't have Sesshoumaru.

And again, she wondered where she would go.  
"Rin."  
She jumped a little, and felt Ah-Un shift to keep her steady on his back. She became aware of her name being called. She glanced ahead of her, towards the glowing light that was her Sesshoumaru and Jaken but could tell neither spoken. Ah-Un could not speak to her, at least in words.

"Rin, my beautiful girl." The voice called again.

She thought it sounded like rain and bells, and mother. It had the melody and rhythm that warmed Rin like sweeten milk, and folded around her like the silk of Sesshoumaru's robes. She was reminded more of her mother, and father- for the voice also gave her comfort and spoke of strength. The voice ran cool over Rin's small frame, assuring her it was there, and that no harm could come to her. The voice understood her. Even loved her. It sounded like her family or Jaken but not Sesshoumaru.

"Rin, sweet girl, can I hold you when you're alone? Can I keep your eyes free from tears, and tell you how much I love you? Will you let me, beloved Rin?"

The voice continued to whisper things in Rin's ear that caused Rin's stomach to ache and her eyes to burn with tears. It was as if the voice that heard every time she had wept, cried and prayed for someone to hear her, know her, and comfort her. It was if the voice swept Rin into invisible arms, and continued to whisper to her that now everything would be different. Soon, she would come to fetch Rin and take her away from the pain and suffering.

She'd never be alone again. She would have her Comforter.

"Rin."

This time the voice was Sesshoumaru's. He had reformed and stood, watching her with his distant cold eyes. Jaken stood beside him, staring at the ground with a strange expression powdering his face. Sometime during her time with the voice, they had landed but the land was unfamiliar. Sesshoumaru reached over, and touched Jaken's shoulder briefly before walking to Rin.

"The voice," Jaken was mumbling, with the wind catching his words and bringing them to Rin. "She said many things. She told me I was wanted. She knew things I never told anyone. She said, she was watching after me, that she could protect me."

"She will promise many things." Sesshoumaru hissed, "Such is the manner of gods."

"Is she capable of granting them?"

Sesshoumaru was quiet as he pulled Rin off Ah-Un. Rin squirmed a little, refusing to feel comfort from the touch of his arm around her, or the softness of the mantel that adorned his shoulder. She shivered again, and turned her head away. She became aware of Sesshoumaru watching her as he kneeled to set her down. She had always clung to him, small arms around his neck. He must have wondered what she was thinking.

The land seemed soft under her feet, and she pushed a little on the ground. It almost bounced back under her feet. The air had lost its saltiness, and the sun was warm with a soft cold breeze that sliced pass Rin's cheeks. There was life around her that Rin was only vaguely aware of, birds calling to one another that quieted as she looked in their direction. She thought she heard music. Beyond one tree, Rin saw a horse looking at her. The creature's wise brown eyes held her gaze for a long time before it nodded and turned away, disappearing deeper into the forest.

Sesshoumaru had seen it too, because now he rested his hand on Rin's shoulder and squeezed. "She is capable of granting all, or nothing. Many times she will do both."

"Who is she, Lord Sesshoumaru?" Rin asked finally.

Jaken shook himself, freeing himself from the chill that had gripped him. "The Mainland calls her Kuan Yin, in the far Islands she is Kwan-si-um, Quan Am. The mikos and monks call her Avalokitesvara."

"Who is she truly?" She asked again, and watched as Sesshoumaru turned, and began to walk ahead of them. Rin frowned, but began to follow. "Lord Sesshoumaru!"

"A god." Jaken continued, hurrying to a place besides her. "Much is under her domain, much can she claim, and much does she desire. Pay close attention, Rin. You must be quiet here. Be distant but not rude, polite but not kind. Ask nothing of her, and accept no gift however small."

"But Master Jaken, why?" She began. She was trying to store all he told her into her mind but as quickly as he spoke, she seemed to feel the words fall through her like sand between her fingers.

Jaken became aware of another horse near them, and did something unusual then. He reached over, took Rin's hand into his and put it firmly in his pocket: to be assured of her nearness to them. She saw another horse across from them, and then another. There had to be a herd of them, each one staring at the troupe with brown, unreadable eyes. "Because a god gives nothing freely, especially their ear."

"Do you truly think me so cruel, Master Jaken?"

It was the voice of rains and bells taken form and he was beautiful. The man before them had a curtain of jet-black hair that fell down his shoulder in a wet heap. He was tall, and stately, with a narrow face and high cheekbones. His eyes swam in colors of blue, green and brown. His nose was aquiline and sharp, matching the diamond cut of his jaw and the coolness of his pale, rose-colored lips.

Rin looked down, to the curves of the muscles under the man's ivory skin, and to the paleness that touched his shoulders, and chest. He had one arm cropped behind his ear, as he pushed back a portion of his hair. She watched as the arm and fingers brushed against the jaw, and down the chest to fall lazily to his side. She became aware somewhere after this that the man was naked as her eyes drifted downwards.

Jaken too must have realized the man's indecency because the vassal shrieked and jumped forward. Sesshoumaru sidestepped, blocking the man from view at the same time, Rin felt Jaken's scaly hands cover her eyes.

"Hey, what's that?" She yelped.

"You bring a mortal into my domain" The voice asked, "without intercession or commission and then start at how I go about my lands?" The voice laughed then, and Rin felt like her father was carrying her again. "Oh my precious Hunger, how I missed your gall."

"Sesshoumaru." She heard Sesshoumaru correct quietly. "The girl travels with me all places."

"Save those surrounded by peril or revealing your true nature, eh? How queer the whims of Lord Sesshoumaru have become." The voice returned. "Remove your hands from the daughter of man, Jaken Lord. I am in a finer form."

When Rin could see again, there was a woman standing were the naked man had been. She had the same ivory skin, and sharpness of features. Even the eye colors continued to swirl, from beneath the damp black hair. The woman pulled on a shoulder of a simple gold robe and went about tying the obi. She smiled at Rin sincerely as she walked passed Sesshoumaru and Jaken.

Rin noticed she was barefoot, throwing her head down in humility. She didn't know what it was really, but Jaken told her to do whenever they met someone important. Rin could tell this woman was very important.

"Do not look away, human child." The woman called in the man's voice as she kneeled. She took Rin's chin into her thin fingers and turned her head to face hers. Rin felt like she was staring into her family. She wondered why she thought so much of them now suddenly, and that thought brought tears to her eyes. Rin felt her body tremble, and she began to cry. She couldn't explain why. The woman seemed to fully understand, she moved her hand and pushed the tears from her cheek. "Do not weep. I am here, though I admit for so long I must have seemed so far away. But I did not forget you, my Rin. See, I brought you Sesshoumaru and he has brought you to me. I know this is a small condolence, and for that I ask your forgiveness, my Rin."

Rin stared at her, and suddenly felt warm again. "To you?" She asked.

"Yes." The woman whispered. "He has brought you home. Home for all time."

"Who are you?"

"You know me. You have always known me."

Rin stared up into the woman's smiling face, and felt her truth. She felt like she had known this woman forever, even before she could remember being Rin, if that was possible. As she stared into her eyes, Rin began searching for the one word that she could feel from the woman, and thus be called. Finally, she murmured. "Are you love?"

"In a manner." The woman laughed, pulling her hand to fall in Rin's. "Call me Kannon."

Rin threw her arms around Kannon's waist and the woman laughed again. She sounded like mother. Kannon stood, maneuvering herself in such a way that Rin would not be pushed away. Rin tightened her grip around Kannon. Now that she had her, Rin wouldn't let her go.

Sesshoumaru was standing there, looking at Kannon darkly. He looked at Kannon like he had with Tama, or Naraku. Jaken stood between them, his little head bobbing one way or another.

"Rin has a home." Jaken was saying. "She is with us by choice…we didn't…Lord Sesshoumaru, we never…did you mean to leave Rin here? Is that why we have come? Lord Sesshoumaru!"

Kannon met Sesshoumaru's eyes, "Yes, tell me why have you come."

"Do you not know?" Sesshoumaru demanded, his voice colder then usual and distant. Rin thought she heard fear in his voice. For a moment, Rin wanted to pull from Kannon's hand. Her Lord needed her.

"I think you come seeking the one called the Hunger." She told him. "And, if you truly wish this, and have the proper payment, I could even grant it." She walked past him then, leading Rin by the hand to a beaten path not far away. "But be mindful, Sesshoumaru. My gifts are boundless, but my demands are costly."


	3. Hummingbird

**Author's Note: **Vaguely inspired by AMV's, my father, the Virgin Mary and various other warm fluffy sources.

_"I cannot repair  
Beneath the stains of time  
The feelings disappear  
You are someone else  
I am still right here_

What have I become"

- Nine Inch Nails "Hurt"

**Chapter Two: Hummingbird**

Sesshoumaru was led to his room by a human girl from somewhere called Tenochca. She was short, heavy-framed and brown skinned. Her forehead sloped and revealed wide black eyes that were sad and wide, she had wide shapely lips. From underneath the burnt gold of her robes, Sesshoumaru saw her skin was covered with thin bruises the size of his finger. He stared at them for most of their silent journey. It was only when he had been brought to the door that he asked where she had gotten them.

The girl jumped, and stared at him. She seemed to be surprised for a moment he could even speak to her. He was even more surprised when she spoke back in prefect Japanese. She looked down, brushing her hands over the scars. "My mother died from disease. My father was taken prisoner, and murdered. The people of my village would beat me when I did not do what they asked." Her face was thoughtful but not sad when she spoke. "They used dried pieces of cowhide and obsidian to cut my skin." Then she smiled, like Rin smiled once long ago. "But then Lady Hummingbird found me."

"Lady Hummingbird?"

"The Master of this castle." The girl replied simply.

Sesshoumaru frowned. "I've never heard Kannon called that."

"As I have never heard the name Kannon, sire." She paused, and hesitated. "Tell me, how is it you speak Nahuatl?"

"I don't."

The girl seemed awed, and giggled a little. "My lady is great then, to give us understanding of one another. Wouldn't you agree?"

"He gives many gifts." Sesshoumaru returned formally.

The girl was ignorant of the slight coolness that had touched the Taiyoukai's words. She simply nodded. "Milady told me to inform you that your vassal, and the girl will be taken to comfortable rooms and attended to. She will speak to you in the morning."

Sesshoumaru closed the door after the faintest of nods and turned, pulling on the sash of his robes. He shifted a little, pushing off the robe from his shoulders with his free hand, and working over the tense muscles tiredly.

"If I told you it was foolish not to call on me when Inuyasha maimed you so, would it do any good?"

Sesshoumaru grabbed the falling fabric from his shoulder and pulled it back over his body, glaring at the man who sat on his bed.

Kannon was staring at him from under his hair, legs curled under him with a smug, knowing grin. "I've seen much more, Sesshoumaru."

"Never without my consent."

"Now he gets cheeky?" Kannon laughed. "My, my little Hunger. How I have missed you."

"Why do you call me that?"

"Why does it bother you now when it never had before?" Kannon's voice was light and cheerful but there was darkness behind his eyes, clouded and concerned. He sat up, throwing his legs over the side of the bed and reaching to Sesshoumaru. He recoiled when Sesshoumaru flinched. "Don't worry, beloved. It's not the kind of touch."

Sesshoumaru inhaled, and let Kannon drag his hands over the nub that had once been his arm. He never really paid much attention to the wound before. He had always mindful of it of course, understanding of the limitations that it was suppose to have placed on him and his own fierce determination to allow none. He was also aware of the pain. The throbbing that attacked when it was cold, or when he pushed himself too hard.

It was the pain that had brought them to Tama's palace because Rin and Jaken had wanted him to rest.

Tama…

He pulled his mind away from those painful memories and turned instead on the warmth that came from Kannon's hands. They felt like Rin's smiles, reminded him of her songs and her smell. He found himself thinking back, as he had for so many times recently, to the forest that had that small, dumb girl who brought him food and smiled. That smile that had been the only thing she gave to Sesshoumaru that he could think to want. She had seemed so frail then, so very human.

Human…

Sesshoumaru became aware of dulled senses then, of fevers, and desperation that tore at his skin. He remembered feeling the intense containment of what it felt like to be human as a Youkai. He felt his own powers turning on him, felt the way his senses clouded till he was like a blind man, groping for the familiar in a world he could no longer understand. He felt Tajomaru's arrow in his chest; he felt dying…

Sesshoumaru jerked away then, almost crashing into the wall before balancing and refusing to face Kannon.

"Oh my poor boy," Kannon whispered, as she stood. Sometime during his reverie she had taken on a female form. "What have they done to you?"

"Does Kannon not see all?" He demanded bitterly.

"I hear those who call to me," She replied simply. "Why did you deny me that? I could have…"

"Have what, Kannon? Broken the curse? Killed Tama?" He looked at her then. "Killed Rin? Given me back what…" His eyes closed. "Given me back what I lost?"

"What have you lost?"

"Isn't that what I have come to ask you, Goddess?"

Kannon had assumed a male form again, and reached back, pulling the curtain of his hair back behind his ears. He met Sesshoumaru's eyes with a quiet distaste. "I think you seek what you've outgrown. You are a King who wishes for the days of his Princehood; when friendships were simple, enemies clear and gifts given to you as easily as rain should come."

"Nothing that was given to me was free and without the desire to capture something from me."

"How highly my Sesshoumaru thinks himself."

Sesshoumaru looked to the Goddess, and sneered. "Name one thing." He challenged. "One thing given to me because I was Sesshoumaru, not Lord of the Western Lands or the Inutaisho's heir."

"My love."

Sesshoumaru was caught off-guard for a moment, and then struggled to regain himself. "All you are is Love. That is your very nature. You cannot be otherwise."

"Yet you, my child, could be something beyond Sesshoumaru called Hunger?" Kannon flinched when he saw Sesshoumaru recoil from the words. His face softened a little, holding out a hand. "My dear, dear one." He whispered, beckoning the Youkai to come closer. "Because you are the Inutaisho's eldest son, you are Lord of the Western Lands. Because you are Senshomi's son, you are the Hunger. That is your nature. Why rebel now? Be satisfied."

Sesshoumaru had walked to the bed, and allowed himself to be eased into the Goddess' lap. He felt Kannon's cool hands brush against his forehead, felt the Goddess' hands play idly over his moon crest before gingerly, and chastely, Kannon reached down and kissed him. Sesshoumaru closed his eyes for a moment, and was reminded of Rin's smile again.

When Kannon spoke again, his voice was sad. "Yet I know you cannot because that too is your nature. You seek what you can never obtain. You desire what you cannot possess. Even now I think you do." His eyes narrowed, and Kannon's voice turned icy for a moment; like tempests and storm fronts. "And you would take what is mine to sate that hunger."

"Yours?" Sesshoumaru's eyes opened, staring into Kannon's eyes. "When have I taken yours?"

"Do you not know?"

"I do not." And then, because he was tired of games, and wanted rest, he reclined again. Kannon wrapped his hands once again about Sesshoumaru, this time working the muscles his shoulders.

"Compassion is my domain, tolerance and healing." Kannon prodded. "Do you really not know what you have taken?"

Sesshoumaru laughed. "Call Sesshoumaru compassionate now, Goddess? You lie to yourself."

Kannon took on the female form again, and leaned down, finding Sesshoumaru's lips with her own. Gently, but compellingly she kissed the Youkai Lord, putting her hands on his cheeks and stroking his neck. Sesshoumaru stiffened but did not resist. She pushed herself from under his head, and curled around, reaching one arm to cup his body closer.

Sesshoumaru sat up, eyes still shut against hers. He was deep into her spell, allowing himself to be pulled this way and that, arching his chin towards her touch as her fingers drew across his hair. His lips parted as her hands drew down his neck and over his shoulders.

Kannon pushed back his robes lightly, brushing her lips across the alabaster skin. She paid attention to each curve of his skin, each muscle and vein that danced across his skin. Her hand slipped inside his robe, between cloth and skin and tickled his ribcage.

There was a sharp inhale, and then a word. "No."

Kannon pulled away, and found Sesshoumaru's honeyed eyes staring darkly at a corner. She laughed a little, and pushed at her own robe. "You dislike this form?" She asked, "As you wish. Take on your proper form, or one of pure light, should it humor you…I shall follow." She leaned over again and kissed him again, pulling at his lip, scratching behind his ear, and curling around to his neck.

Sesshoumaru swallowed and pulled away again. He could smell Kannon, could taste her and felt her body pushed against his. It was love itself, compassion and storms intertwined and woven together into a vessel of flesh and blood for his benefit. She felt like everything Sesshoumaru could have thought to love, or desire.

One name ran through his mind over and over again, causing him to push and turn away. "No."

"No?"  
"Rin." He told her; surprised at himself for wishing that Kannon could understand all the things he could not bring himself to say. "She may come to find me, she may…need me." Kannon arched a brow. If he was capable of blushing, Sesshoumaru thought for a moment that this would be one of those rare times. He found himself stumbling over words and thoughts. "This is a new place for her. Rin may feel uncomfortable. She might be afraid. I should be ready, in case…"

When Kannon spoke, it was measured as if she was teasing or soothing someone who did not see reality. "There is always Jaken."

"But I am Lord Sesshoumaru."

Kannon was staring at him, "Indeed." She drawled, "As I am Kannon. Surely you know no harm would come to her while you are guests in my lands."

Sesshoumaru looked away again and wished that she would do the same. He was feeling exposed under her unwavering, unmoving gaze. He was struck for a moment, how encompassing she was, and how small he felt under her watch.

Kannon shifted in her seat. "She will not come." She continued, not unkindly but the words sliced at Sesshoumaru and he flinched. "There will be no need. I dare say, Rin will find more rest tonight then her weary body has had in a long time."

"She is human. They often do the unpredictable."

"Is that what you wish? That she becomes frightened and seeks comfort in you?"

Sesshoumaru's gaze found the door and took comfort it. He stared at it, willing an appearance. "I should wait for her. She may come."

"You do hope that, don't you?" Kannon asked, awed a little. "Sesshoumaru, do you hope?" He didn't reply, and she seemed to gain an answer from that. "Tama was right. What has become of the Hunger?"

Kannon leaned over and kissed him again, before rising and walking towards the door. She lingered at the doorframe for a moment, before turning back. "When a god finds you appealing, Sesshoumaru," She purred. "They are not something to turn away lightly."

With that she was gone, and Sesshoumaru was left alone. He continued to stare at the door for a long time afterwards, waiting.


	4. Sparrow

Author's Note: For all those who tried to muddle through Kannon and her/his/itsmoods and forms, Ibeg your pardon. In researching her/he/it,the authors and scholars couldn't decide on it being male or female so that bled intothe story. I think it's oddly fitting that the closest thing you'll seeto Sesshoumaru's mate in my stories is a God. A little fyi, Kannon is the Japanese God/Goddess of Compassion, motherless children, childless mothers, and the ocean, specifically the storms. His/her/its name translates into "She who hears the cries of the world."

_"Omnia mutantur, _

_Nihil interit."_

- Neil Gaiman's "The Wake"

**Chapter Three: Sparrow **

Sesshoumaru awoke to the silent movements of a Japanese maid. He didn't know which part was more comforting about the woman; the fact she was a form and appearance that he was familiar with or the fact that she was quiet and behaved in such a way that was suitable when in presence of her betters. She glanced up through her hair at him, (she had been kneeling by his bed), blushed and returned dutifully to picking up his discarded robes and obi. He inclined his head and watched her from through the fur of his mantle as she tended to his clothes.

She ran her hands over the fine silk lovingly and with all the professionalism of one of her trade, and he almost smiled to see the way her eyes gleamed when she touched the fabric. Despite being in Kannon's service, the girl was still awed at such a beautiful thing.

And then, when she smiled softly at it, Sesshoumaru was struck with the feeling that he knew this human somehow.

She was somewhere just out of childhood, but not yet truly considered an adult even by her own kind. Her chin still held some of childish weight that all children seemed to held no matter the upbringing (indeed even Rin though he somehow doubted she had been well-kept in that village she had first stayed.) Her hair ran down her back as she worked; cut at several angles that framed her face. She was still blushing. He wanted to smile again. She was sweet.

He pushed up from the bed and let the covers fall from his body. He heard a small yelp from the maid and out the corner of his eyes saw her staring at his chest and stomach. Her eyes danced for a moment to his arm and he thought he saw compassion her dark eyes. She stood suddenly then, clothes folded under her arms and hurried to a place near the door where Kannon it seemed had laid out a fresh set of clothing for him.

He grimaced at the sight of the dark blue robes spilling out from the woman's hands. She held them to her chest and pushed out the sides holding it up for him. She met his eyes, blushed and looked upset with herself for doing such a thing before finding a corner of the floor to study and keeping her eyes fixed there.

He considered for a moment letting the woman attend him then dismissed the idea as vanity overtook his senses. She was human. He was Sesshoumaru. He pulled away from the bed and turned, displaying his back to the girl and ignoring her then as he cracked his knuckles and shook his head one side to another, letting his hair shag. He resisted the urge to push his arms over his head and pop his back. He was Lord of the Western Lands.

"Leave them." He told her.

The girl's expression passed between disappointment, fear and gratitude. She folded the robe again, let it rest against the chair before stepping away and walking to the bed. She pushed the covers and began to snap them crisply as she soothed over the bed. She leaned across the bed, tucking the opposite corners into place, putting herself in a very interesting position.

Sesshoumaru arched a brow and decided to take back his thoughts. "Leave."

She yelped again, turning and frowning. She didn't seem understand the word and he would not repeat himself. She looked frightened for a moment; she must have been concerned about upsetting him. Instead of balking or attempting to correct her actions, the maid nodded and bowed deeply before turning the corner of the bed again and pushing pass him towards the exit.

As she passed, her fingers lingered around his missing limb. She looked awed at his wound before continuing pass. He turned and watched her leave.

She was wearing a flower in her hair. He hadn't noticed before.

TC l2 "

--------

It was early when Rin awoke, and found a fresh bath waiting for her with a young woman waiting to dress her. The woman was human, though she was of a kind Rin had never seen before. The woman was as fair as Sesshoumaru, but flushed and freckled. A cascade of bright red fell in curls around her face, framing her wide green eyes. She had tattoos and a marking adorning all of her ivory skin, blue curls and swirls that dotted her arms, face and legs. She spoke to Rin in a voice all lyrical and kind, and kept referring to her as "colleen."

She had told Rin that when she was about Rin's age, she had been the daughter of a proud chieftain. He was murdered in war, and she and her mother had been taken as captives. She spoke of a harsh life that followed, until her lady Epona appeared to her one day and brought her to this palace. She had been there in faithful service ever since.

Rin smiled at the way the girl glowed. She laughed when the maid tickled her and splashed bubbles in her face. She scrubbed Rin till she was flushed and white, and then folded her into a crisp brown robe before smoothing Rin's hair out with an ivory comb and knotted it onto her head. She gave Rin a small mirror. Rin looked like the lady from the plains all sweet and delicate.

"Now," The woman said, as she turned Rin around, kissed her forehead and patted her behind towards the door. "The courtyard and palace are free to you. You will find many children your age who are eager for a new face. Should you need or desire anything feel free to ask anyone and you will not be denied."

"Thank you." Rin whispered, bowing deeply.

The woman smiled at her and inclined her head again. "I do have one request, little one."

"Anything, you've been so kind, I won't say no." Rin chirped and meant it.

The woman walked with Rin out into the hall and pointed one finger outside; pass the courtyard towards the deep green forests beyond. "The forest belongs to our lady's darker whims. I ask that you do not travel those paths unless your Master accompanies."

Rin looked up and fought down the urge to correct the woman. She had never considered Lord Sesshoumaru her Master; her patron, guardian and companion of course, but she was not his slave. Sesshoumaru himself had told her many times she was ruled only by what she desires. Do as you will, he told her, and expected her to follow. She had too. There was no reason to do otherwise.

Except now. She found herself thinking again of her Lord Sesshoumaru and found she felt cold and alone. She missed finding warmth in his memory, finding security in knowing that he would come for her, wait for her, watch for her. She was accustomed to him, and perhaps even submissive to him by her own consent because she had trusted him.

Now, because of Four Creeks, Rin found herself terribly alone.

There was never a time when she wanted Sesshoumaru more.

The woman's hands found Rin's cheeks as she gave Rin another kiss, soft and sweet on her forehead. The woman smiled sadly. "Don't worry, colleen." She purred. "You're home now."

Rin walked into the courtyard and watched as the people bustled around in daily activities. She saw women as black as the night in dresses of bright red, yellow and green that made their serious ink eyes gleam. There were those who were as fair and flush as the washing woman: some tattooed in similar blue, others clean and white robed. She saw girls colored like bronze with long sloping foreheads walk around in leather and blue stones.

"Where are all the boys?" She asked to no one in particular.

A brown skinned girl stopped and smiled. "When our lady desires men, they will come." She eyed Rin in a way that made her feel like she had said something foolish. "Why, dear one, so eager to fall backwards for a pleasing smile?"

Rin felt blood rush to her cheeks and she quickly skirted away from the woman, towards the edge of the courtyard. She had meant to find the stables and perhaps Ah-Un. They were really the only ones she felt she could trust. And then she heard it.

A flute.

The tone was slow but not sad, and sort of drifted through the air like a lazy summer. Rin pressed her ear to the wall to hear it.

It was coming from the forests.

She hadn't meant to wander off, Rin had had every intention of doing exactly what the lady and Sesshoumaru had wished for to do. But the music was low, somber and entrancing and quite by accident, before she knew what she was doing, Rin found herself deep within the forest in a clearing that where she found a young man sitting crossed leg on the floor, playing his flute.

He was young and Youkai. He was vaguely familiar, someone Rin had seen before perhaps in a dream or a cloud. He wore thick leather, something like armor and under it a robe of burnt gold that fell over his frame gracefully. He had long brown hair that whipped in a ponytail around his face and over his shoulder. His face was narrow and angular, with a small upturned nose and wide eyes hiding behind his bangs. The only thing truly compelling were his hands. Long, thin fingered, they ran up and down the length of the flute, weaving his melody. When he had done, he looked up from the flute and smiled at Rin.

"He's right." The man spoke. "You have my eyes."

Rin didn't answer. For a time, Rin and the man held each other in silence before he expelled a soft sort of laugh and inclined his head towards her.

"Hello." He greeted, softly. She again didn't move. The man seemed to hesitate then, searching for the proper means to continue on this course. "Hello there. Don't be afraid. I won't hurt you."

"Then why assure it?"

The demon seemed impressed and amused, he bowed his head in her direction. "You're right. I'm sorry." He patted his knee with his flute. "My name is Ryuhoji."

"Rin." She returned politely because she remembered that she should always be polite. Odd, how much she seemed to remember her mother's words here.

Ryuhoji nodded thoughtfully. "You have my eyes."

"What?"

"It's a compliment." He assured her, waving his hand. "It's just…unusual. I wonder if that's why he keeps you."

"Who keeps me?"  
"Sesshoumaru." Rin inhaled sharply and looked away. Ryuhoji caught the action and lifted his chin. "He scares you." It was not a question nor a rebuke, just an observation that struck true and Rin nodded a little. The demon seemed to understand that. "Why does he scare you? He will not harm you."

"Can you promise that?"

"It is not mine to promise."

"You don't know Lord Sesshoumaru." Rin felt suddenly very guilty of thinking so coldly of her Sesshoumaru but fear overpowered her wisdom. Despite everything she tried to think of Sesshoumaru all she could see was Zen and Four Creeks. "He's a murderer. He's killed people."

"Yes, I know." Ryuhoji agreed softly.

"You know? About Four Creeks? About all those terrible things he did with Tama? He's done so much…"

"He is capable of much cruelty."

It was like a dam had broken over Rin's heart and all her fears and tears had suddenly burst from out her small frame. She fell to her knees, sobbing as the words spilled from her till she wasn't certain she even made sense at all. "He's supposed to protect me!" She shouted. "He wasn't supposed to do such evil things. He was supposed to be different! He's not like Tama. He's not like those evil men! He's my Lord Sesshoumaru! He's stronger then that. He's supposed to be my hero…"

Ryuhoji pushed up and took Rin into his arms. "I'm sorry, but he cannot do that, Rin. We are all slaves to our nature. Neither sword, nor victims' eyes can change that."

Rin pulled away from him. "I'm not his victim."

"Yes. You are. You know that too. Zen told you long ago."

"Zen tried to kill Sesshoumaru!"

"And you killed Zen to protect him." Ryuhoji returned calmly. "In that, you became Sesshoumaru's victim."

Rin stared at him. Everything in her was screaming to rebuke him. She just could not find the words. "Sesshoumaru was going to die. Tama wanted to kill me. He wouldn't let him. Sesshoumaru was going to die because he wouldn't let me die. He…"

"He was trying to protect you?" Ryuhoji drawled. He was giving her a searching look, as if trying to understand what all that made of her up and thus, maybe understand Sesshoumaru.

"He wouldn't let me die." She repeated forcefully, because that's all she knew and her mother told her never to exaggerate. "I couldn't let him die."

"Why?" Ryuhoji demanded. "After all, he was the butcher of Four Creeks. He killed for sport, for a whim and a dare."

"I couldn't let him die."

"Why?"

"I…couldn't."

Ryuhoji let his flute fall from his hands as he continued to stare deep into Rin. She shifted under his graze for a moment, but never retreated. "But you wish to leave him?"

"I have too." Rin said sadly. "I don't want to leave him but I'm so afraid. He's not my Sesshoumaru any more. I want to understand again. I want my Sesshoumaru back. I want to see him again. I don't want to be afraid anymore."

"Then don't."

Rin stopped, sniffled and rubbed her nose on his sleeve. Ryuhoji didn't seem to notice. She looked up at him expectantly.

"You really have no idea, do you?" Ryuhoji whispered. "Oh mortal child, I am so envious of you. You succeeded where I and others have failed. You are so important. Sesshoumaru invests so much in you, sacrifices so much in your name. Do not throw that away."

"I don't understand."

"You will." He told her. "In time." He seemed to smile then, like Jomei did when he was up to something. He reached over and put his hand over her cheek. He was cold, and reminded her of Zen. "Very soon, mortal child, Sesshoumaru will be face with a terrible cruel choice. He will have much need of you then. You must be strong, Rin."

Rin shivered then and looked away. "I don't want this…I just want it to be over." She moaned quietly.

"It will be." He promised. "For good or for bad, this will all be over soon."


	5. Falcon

_"...The price of getting what you want, _

_is getting what once you wanted."_

- Neil Gaiman's Dream Country

Chapter Four: Falcon 

Ryuhoji noticed Sesshoumaru's approach before Rin. He stopped in his music lesson, pulling the flute from her small hands and stood. The demon held the flute in his fist like a sword, turning it over and stepping in front of Rin to block her from Sesshoumaru's path. Rin rose to her feet, frowning at him before turning and gasping. Sesshoumaru seemed to notice Ryuhoji then. He pushed his hand to one side, making a motion with two fingers as if he meant to call upon his whip. The Dog demon's eyes were darkened in a way that strongly invoked Four Creeks in Rin's small mind, making the girl yelp and duck closer behind Ryuhoji.

It was like she didn't exist at all, Sesshoumaru's full attention rested on Ryuhoji. He looked ready to use his whip at any time. Perhaps Rin was the only reason he hadn't.

Ryuhoji rolled his shoulders back and steadied himself. "Well met, Sesshoumaru Lord. I am Ryuhoji."

"You are not." Sesshoumaru's still voice was deep with anger. "What are you?"

"I am Ryuhoji." He returned; he inclined his head slightly. "In a manner."

"Which manner? Are you an incarnation of Kannon, or some afterthought left by her powers?"

Ryuhoji seemed to smirk. "What makes you think you did not summon me, Taiyoukai? In this forest, many desires and dreams are given form…if the Dreamer is strong enough."

"What do you want? Why have you come?"

"Those are questions I should be asking you." Ryuhoji whispered softly. He raised his head. "You are correct. I am not your Ryuhoji. Consider me a mirror."

Sesshoumaru seemed to flinch at that, making Rin stir. His mind traveled for a moment to the prison of Zen's mirror. It had not been his true prison, but it had been the gateway to it. Sesshoumaru inhaled, biting down the memories of the pain he felt, the weakness, the dying. He flicked his wrist again, causing his claws to glow angrily. "Do not toy with me, Shade."

"You misunderstand my intentions." The vision-Ryuhoji demurred. "You have come to Kannon in search of what you have lost. Because this vessel was someone who, for however small a time, held your heart..."

"You lie to yourself."

"...it is the image invoked." The demon continued undeterred by Sesshoumaru's tirade. Ryuhoji reached over and put his hand on Rin's head. He smiled idly as he stroked her hair. "Our lady is great." He said thoughtfully, "Much is under her care. I am to aid you on your path to discover what you seek from Lady Kannon."

"I seek nothing from Kannon."

"Yet you linger in her domain, but refuse her comforts? You hide from memories of humanity but do not surrender them. You pine for what you have lost but refuse to name it." Ryuhoji's eyes were sharp, and he jerked his attention back to Sesshoumaru.

There was coldness in his eyes. It made this vision of Ryuhoji, however similar, terribly different. Sesshoumaru looked away first, fighting down the unfamiliar pains that swelled inside of him. Was this grief that took his senses and held his tongue now? Anger?

Regret?

_"Stand up straight, little one. Do this for me."_

_Ryuhoji nodded, and inhaled: bracing himself for the pain to come. But with resolve and eagerness to please, the Youkai hoisted himself to his full length despite having Nori's arm still wrapped around him. Sesshoumaru could see the bone in his wound, and for a moment, he flinched. But he was right: they were the same height._

_So when Sesshoumaru swung his sword up and attacked; he aimed for Ryuhoji's heart. Going through Ryuhoji's broken body was like piercing cloth, it took almost no pressure at all, but Sesshoumaru keep driving the sword until the hilt slammed into Ryuhoji's chest. He never made a sound, but Nori screamed in pain and slumped down bringing Ryuhoji and Sesshoumaru down with him. _

_Ryuhoji's eyes were opened when he died and remained set on Sesshoumaru. They only turned away when Sesshoumaru yanked his sword from both bodies to return it to the scabbard and then, the poet's eyes faced heaven. _

No. Sesshoumaru still did not regret killing Ryuhoji that day, though he may be damned for it. He had a goal, and nothing, not Ryuhoji nor his own childish devotion to the young one would have stopped him from gaining what he sought. He did not regret sacrificing Ryuhoji to defeat Nori.

Then what? What did he regret?

_Sesshoumaru began panicking as the fire began to eat away at the oxygen. He pushed himself up, pushing his arm up against his face in attempt to shield himself from the flames. The pain inside his body was growing, squeezing around his heart. The pounding heart echoed through his ears, blinding him and blocking out thought and anything beyond the instinct to survive._

_In that moment, he would have given anything to revert to his true form, even Rin's life._

_"This is not you, Sesshoumaru." Tama continued softly. His voice was devoid of hate or anger. There was only the smallest hint of sadness and regret. "This is some…lingering pain, left by past wounds that has clouded your judgment. But do not worry…I will make you remember before we are done."_

Sesshoumaru's eyes found Rin. He stared at the child for a long time as if he had never seen her before in his life. She was a weak little thing, he realized as he stared at her, past her. She was a small thing. Something like the phantom pain in his arm: when she was there, she possessed all his attention and when she was gone, he was better for it.

He could fight without restraint if she were gone, he heard himself thinking. He would have no weakness, no equal again. He could have Tama's loyalty again, and perhaps they- together- could claim Tessaiga, could make Naraku pay for all the dishonor he had afforded Sesshoumaru. It was a sweet thought to be sure. Revenge. He could avenge every wrong, and be better for it.

Better for it.

A life without Rin…

Sesshoumaru inhaled and shook his head, refusing to continue down that path. Those were dangerous thoughts. Dark thoughts.

The Ryuhoji-shade continued to watch him. There was a smile dancing across the shadow's lips.

"There is nothing our Lady would deny the great Sesshoumaru." He told him. He turned again and smiled down at Rin. "And the price would hardly be considered one." He stroked Rin's hair, "This vessel of bone and meat."

"Silence!" Sesshoumaru growled. Though he felt none of the confidence he spoke with. He found that, once birthed, he could not dismiss the idea. He longed to have Tama at his side again, to feel strong once again. He wanted it back. Desperately. No matter the cost. "I am not one to cajoled with boons and gifts." Drawing on his anger, Sesshoumaru cracked his knuckles and arched the fingers. "I do not pine. I am Sesshoumaru."

"And who is Sesshoumaru?"

"I am Lord of the Western Lands. That is enough."

Ryuhoji seemed to laugh again. "Tama was right. You forget yourself. You seek to be something you're not, seek to betray your very nature. Sesshoumaru, who desires nothing, desires to be like his half-breed brother I think."

"Mind your tongue or I will take it from you."

"Does Sesshoumaru now threaten like a common demon?"

"I advise caution."

"Sesshoumaru who feels no pity, nor remorse." Ryuhoji continued, amused. "Sesshoumaru who received a useless sword from his father, and now treasures it above all. Sesshoumaru who has become a lapdog for humans and forgotten his own path." Sesshoumaru made a move, then as if to fight. Ryuhoji's face kept him in his place. "How long, old one?" Ryuhoji asked as he withdrew his hand from Rin's head. "How long does Sesshoumaru called Hunger think to deny his nature?"

Sesshoumaru turned wordlessly then and walked towards the Court. He had no desire to stay here with the ghosts of past conquests whispering his betrayals in his ear. The ghost was right. He had lost his path. He had forgotten himself and attempted to assume a persona he was not. Tama had been right, and he had been too foolish to see it.

He heard Ryuhoji's voice on the wind as he walked away and it caused him to shiver.

"And how long does the Hunger think to continue this farce?"

-----------

He returned to the Courtyard with every intention of finding Jaken, Ah-Un and Kannon. He would bid the God farewell, send Jaken to kidnap Rin and be done of this place and its dark thoughts. Perhaps he would be rid of Rin at the next village, perhaps the girl would work through her issues and remain. Sesshoumaru was tired of caring. The girl was merely human after all, and since did he, Sesshoumaru, care of such trivial things. He was tired of such guilt.

The courtyard was emptied by the time he returned. Evening had begun to purple the sky, and draw the servants inside. There was only a few hands out and about, lighting lanterns and setting out clothes to dry or tending to the stables. Sesshoumaru inhaled, and reached for the first servant in reach. He would send her to fetch Jaken. Then, he would shut himself away in his room and refuse to think of Rin until he was gone from this place.

The woman yelped as she turned to face Sesshoumaru and when he saw her face, his great plans fled. It was the maid who had attended him earlier.

Her pretty face was flushed from the evening's chores, and her robes dirtied from the yard work. She was panting from either surprise or exertion, and her hair fell wild around her round face. She still had the flower in her hair.

Her hands shook as she stepped away and went about trying to make herself more presentable. She tucked the various locks of wild hair behind her ear and rubbed her face with her sleeve. She reeked of sweat, causing Sesshoumaru to release her.

Her humanity repulsed him but the look of utter fear and awe in her eyes held his attention. He made it a point to linger painfully close to her, watching her shiver- with terror or excitement, or both he did not care. Sesshoumaru drew his hand through her hair, watched as she trembled and her skin tensed under his. She was human. Grave dirt. She was like that woman who had crept into his father's mind and poisoned the great Dog Youkai. She was like that miko who impaled his brother to a tree, or the one in strange garb who kept company with him now. They were all the same. They were all small, useless pathetic creatures.

She was like Rin.

And if he chose to, right now. He could hurt her or kill her. She was less then dirt, but she was something that breathed, lived, and feared. And at this moment, she feared him. She repulsed him. But he controlled her. If only for one moment in time. This was power. A cheap, glimmer of what he truly sought but it was power.

And he was damned if he didn't find that he had missed it.

"My Lord, tell me what you need." She spoke. He was struck again by how familiar she felt against him. He felt like she belonged by his side. The maid's eyes, empty and dark like all humans though they were, ran over his expression and she frowned. She was terrified, he could smell it on her, yet she was still concerned.

About him.

Sesshoumaru thought for a moment about releasing her. He could tell her to get Rin and Jaken, and have Ah-Un waiting for him. He thought about dismissing her right then and doing it himself and rid himself of the thoughts that were eating away at him. He could rid himself of his father's sickness right now. He could simply release the woman and be about his way. He could end this all right now by simply ignoring her and her doleful eyes.

Like he should done that day long ago when he saw the corpse that had been ravaged by wolves…

But, like he did then, Sesshoumaru continued to hold her gaze.

He released her and turned in the direction of his rooms. She followed him. Sesshoumaru inhaled but did not look back. Maybe if he ignored her she would go away. It was a foolish notion, somehow Sesshoumaru knew. It hadn't worked with Rin. Rin.

He surrendered so much because of that child. He was forgetting who he really was. He was forgetting he had once murdered someone he claimed to love to complete his goal. He was forgetting that he had once surrendered everything to claim his father's sword- even his arm.

He stepped inside his bedroom and waited. The maid stood just inside the bedroom, watching him intently.

Now, what? Why he could not surrender a small child? What made her so different? So special? Why didn't he feel in control anymore? Why didn't he feel like his old self again?

The answer was the same. He turned around, and looked at the maid.

It was because she was Rin.

He just wanted to feel. Something. Anything.

The maid's soft eyes were watching him with the same look of fear, compassion and awe she always held. She wanted so much to help him.

Sesshoumaru inhaled, and began to undo his sash. "Close the door." He told her.


	6. Vulture

Author's Note: I am pretty sure I'm going to get flamed for this chapter. But I enjoyed it. Hopefully you did too. Now believe me when I say, at the beginning I had every intention of writing a beautiful, fluffy story concerning Rin and her Youkai Lord. Thank you for all your reviews, and in responding to DPM's question, in Birthright, I mentioned Sesshoumaru had a love of birds. Because this story is was meant as a way to explore his nature (perhaps more so then Birthright was,) it seemed fitting. There's also a vague connotation with the bird and the general feel of the chapter, ("Dove" being hopeful, "Falcon" being bold.) Take what you will from this chapter being named after a scavenger. R/R

_"I told you I don't need anything from you. _

_Where did you get those bruises? _

_You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. _

_What are you smiling about? I simply asked a question. _

_I don't care, I'm just curious."_

- Lord Sesshoumaru

Chapter Five: Vulture 

Sesshoumaru inhaled deeply before opening his eyes and was surprised to feel the maid still sleeping beside him. He pushed himself to one side and shifted, creating a cradle for the woman without disturbing his slumber. Then, he opened his eyes to watch her. She was on her stomach with her hands pushed under his mantle, curling it to pillow her head. He smiled a little. Looking beyond her, he saw the flower she had adorned herself with now withered and tossed aside on the floor with her robes. Sesshoumaru reached over, drawing his claws over her smooth ivory back, idly in thought. For a moment, he was tempted to end her pathetic life.

It was then he heard Kannon.

"I don't know what should upset me more." The God drawled, in a smooth voice. "The fact you refuse me your bed, or that you give it freely to a mortal."

Sesshoumaru slid to sit up and watched him. Kannon stood in his gold robes, with his black hair was braided and slung carelessly over one shoulder. His face was a cool façade of only minor disturbance. He wore a weapon.

Sesshoumaru inhaled again and pushed a little from the woman. The morning was bringing sounds and smells to his sleepy mind, "You play games to humor yourself, Kannon. Why should you be upset I find my own entertainment?"

"Is that what this is, entertainment? And I thought the Western Lord was made of stronger blood."

"Do not speak of my blood." He warned, shutting his eyes. The woman moaned a little and curled towards him. Sesshoumaru felt his skin coil as her skin caressed his. He stifled a sneer. He feeling a little sick now, as the memories of last night replayed through his mind but he kept his face stony. He could not react now.

"Then what other fault is to blame if not bad blood?"

Sesshoumaru scoffed. He wished he could leave the bed, and dress. He wished to rouse the girl and send her from his rooms and his thoughts. But pride stayed his actions. He could not allow Kannon the vision of him reeling from this…debacle. "You seek to find fault, and why, Kannon?" He asked, adding cynicism to his words till it dripped like honey. He even added the smallest of grins. "Because I have taken one of your vestal virgins."

Kannon laughed then, his voice booming like a hurricane. It was a low and insidious as the ocean, perhaps even more deadly. To wrong a god was to invite calamity, Sesshoumaru knew this from his father's dealings, and to wrong this particular god was suicide. Compassion was a cold then when turned to stone. As Kannon gave, for he was love and compassion, he could also take with terrible brutality: so was the way of storms, of seas, and the childless.

Sesshoumaru felt Zen's death rise up inside of him and shivered.

"You sad little fool." Kannon spat. "Despite it all, you only see them as servants; as target practice or toys for your amusement. You see them as things to be cast aside or kept by your whim. They are more then that. She is more then that."

Sesshoumaru turned, meeting her eyes. "Your kind is defined by the humans, adorned and feared, and worshipped by them. You, great Lady Kannon, are nothing without the humans. I am Sesshoumaru. I will existed, and flourish without their consent or company."

"Yet it is you, great Lord of the West," Kannon purred, his brow twisted in pseudo-concern. "Who cannot bear to be without his human for even a moment. See how you keep her by your side even now."

Sesshoumaru frowned a little and reared back.

"Or can you not trust your senses, Sesshoumaru Lord?"

He looked back to the woman on the bed as he pulled away from her. He had been so deep in his musings, his concerns for Rin that he had not noticed before the woman's scent. He'd so upset by seeing Ryuhoji, by feeling Zen's pains, and his death dancing again and again through his mind that he had paid no attention to the curve of her body, the shape of her chins. He had been so disturbed, and determined to abandon his thoughts of Rin, his longings for his child-ward that he never saw the pale scars that adorned her stomach from a wolf bite long ago.

Or worst, he realized, he had ignored them.

Sesshoumaru made a movement towards Tokijin then, and looked for a moment as if he would use the sword, preferably on himself. He inhaled deeply, and let the sword fall limp, before looking up at Kannon. "She…what magic…this is not…my…"

"Consider her an echo, as real and tangible as Rin but nothing more then an illusion." Kannon brushed her hand aside lightly, and the woman on the bed disappeared.

Sesshoumaru was reeling; he tightened his grip on Tokijin and drove it into the ground to steady himself. "What…purpose does such magic serve?" He demanded.

"To prove a point. You will surrender not to God, Youkai, infirmary, or death, but you will bend your back in submission to a wisp of mortality."

"No…"

"Sesshoumaru," Kannon pleaded. "My love, oh my love, please. Tama was right. You have changed…the Hunger who never found peace, never found contentment…finds it now in a small weak vessel." The god took a step forward, trying to smile. "He only has to take it."

Sesshoumaru turned and stared at the bed. He felt sick to his stomach. "I do not desire her in such a way."

"Only a human would think in such extremes. This is about love, not dominance."

Sesshoumaru continued to stare at the bed, and gradually his eyes fell upon the flower that rested in ruins on the floor. He thought for a moment of his father and the night he died. He could still his father standing there, cradling the useless stump of an arm he had with one hand and still shining with a childish determination to rush forward into another battle, and why? For Izayoi and a half-breed son he'd never met. Sesshoumaru thought of Izayoi, that woman who ruined his father. He thought of Kikyo who had killed his brother.

A human child…

He thought then of Ryuhoji, of Tama, of Tajomaru. He missed them. He missed them beyond words. His heart felt like it was breaking. He had done so much in name of never being controlled, never being harnessed by allies, or lovers, or friends. He had sacrificed his friends in that crusade. He would lose all for power. That's why he needed Tessaiga, wasn't it? That's why he had lost his arm. He was willing to lose everything for his goal of conquest. He was willing to sacrifice all in the name of power.

What made Rin so different? And how, how could he withhold Rin when he had not done the same for Ryuhoji. It would shame Ryuhoji, and Tama, and himself if he did spared a human where he would not spare his ally.

Sesshoumaru shook his head. "No…" He rose. "I love nothing. I protect nothing."

Kannon withdrew as if he had been struck. His hand fell to the sword at his side. "What are you saying?"

"You have asked what I seek from you time and again, and there it is." Sesshoumaru rose slowly, turning to catch his gaze. Kannon flinched. "I am the Hunger. I will not be contented by a mere mortal. You give love and you can remove it. That is my request. Take from me this child's pull."

"Think what you ask."

"I do." Sesshoumaru whispered. "All else was surrendered, Kannon, why should she be any different? I have given up everything for power, sacrificed everything for conquest and now you wish for me to abandon them for a girl? I cannot do that. For a time perhaps, I wished to do so. Perhaps, I had…" Sesshoumaru turned away, his eyes staring out, beyond those walls. "For a time perhaps I had wished to take Rin away from all the cruelty placed on her small shoulders, but I cannot. We are all defined by our natures, and I cannot shrink from mine. I am the Hunger." Sesshoumaru bowed his head, "In my pursuit of power, how can I promise all but withhold Rin? How could I ever face myself if I did that?"

"There are things beyond our nature. People change, Sesshoumaru."

"And sometimes we change back." Sesshoumaru was heartened only by the fact that if he feared losing his goal for the one minor detail that was Rin, maybe he wasn't so far gone that he couldn't make his way back to what he was. Maybe he could reclaim the titles that had once made him feared. He closed his eyes. "You offered me my heart's desire, Goddess. Would you go back on your word now?"

Kannon looked pained. His dark eyes dimmed and swam like the ocean but he knew Sesshoumaru was right. He could not betray his word. "Ask of me, and I shall give freely."

"Take her from me. Remove the pull she has on me, and give me back who I was." Sesshoumaru shut his eyes. "Give me back the hunger I was once claimed."

"Oh my love," Kannon whispered, his eyes were searching Sesshoumaru's for a long time. The Youkai Lord inhaled and turned away first. Kannon began to move but then stopped himself. Slowly he closed the distance between Sesshoumaru and him. "Close your eyes."

Sesshoumaru felt Kannon press his lips onto his, and then became aware of the reeling sensation of being pulled…

_He was in the forests, following the scent of familiar blood on the air. It was thick, everywhere and entangled with the smell of wolves. He ignored Jaken's trudging steps behind him, and the Imp's pining over if he had or had not meant to truly kill Jaken with the Tenseiga. Sesshoumaru followed the scent till he came upon the origin._

_ It was the girl from the village. She was thrown across the path, her face turned upright in death- her brown eyes staring pass him. Her matted red dress clutched to her body, torn from age and more recently the bite that had pulled her from life. He saw the blisters and cuts on the soles of her feet, she must have been running to him when they got her. Somehow, Sesshoumaru knew innately, that she had been seeking him. He looked at the hands that had offered him food, the knees that had fallen in respect to him. Then, finally, Sesshoumaru returned his attention to her face and the bruises whose origin she would not tell him._

_ "What is that?" Jaken droned, pushing pass his Lord to stare at the child. He was looking at the body as one would stare at any dead thing in morbid curiosity. Sesshoumaru wanted to hurt him for his careless words. "Oh she's a goner. That's for sure. She must have been attacked by wolves. Look at the teeth mark; do you recognize this pathetic human?"_

_ Sesshoumaru took a step forward, unsheathing Tenseiga as he did so. Jaken, in an uncharacteristic move, jumped in front of the body to protect it. Perhaps Jaken had some respect for honoring the dead by keeping their bodies. Still, he would not deny Sesshoumaru anything. _

_ "What? What are you doing sire?"_

_ Sesshoumaru felt Tenseiga pulse in his hand. He narrowed his eyes as the scene before blurred and he began to see those fat, gray skinned harvesters scramble over the dead corpse like ants. They would wean the soul from the body and release her: for Kannon, or the Tatrimokke, or the Un-mother or countless other demons that would love to devour the soul of one so pure. _

_"Interesting." Sesshoumaru mused, idly. "I can see them. They're from the underworld…"_

_And then Sesshoumaru stopped. He felt oddly familiar with this scene, as if it had been played over many times, perhaps in action or mere thought. Tenseiga pulsed again, imploring him to act but Sesshoumaru did not move. He stared down at the human girl for what felt like eternity, wondering why she clung to his memory. She had offered him a few boons that was all, why should he feel so inclined to her. _

_He was Sesshoumaru._

_Sesshoumaru brushed aside the thought and returned Tenseiga to its scabbard. The sword hissed angrily, but he ignored it. He didn't even call to Jaken to follow, knowing the Imp would come. Turning wordlessly on his heels, Sesshoumaru walked away from the body, leaving the girl to the demons that cared for such things. _

_He was Sesshoumaru. _


	7. Crow

Author's Note: The final chapter of Kannon. Bring on the flames. I sincerely hope you enjoyed this story, and as soon as I find a way to fix what I did- I'll come up with a proper sequel. Hope you enjoy this. DPM, don't worry about it. No harm, no foul. Truth is, I eagerly await your reviews (as I do all of them) and if nothing else I was able to get two! Read and review. Thank you for reading my story. And to Squishjakken. I am proud my story invoked such strong emotions in you.

_"Lord, what was it the barbarian said,_

_as the riders vanished?_

_-Omnia mutantur, nihil interit. _

_"Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."_

-Master Li and Dream, in The Wake

**Chapter Six: Crow**

Jaken was waiting for him when Sesshoumaru rose to dress. The Imp folded Sesshoumaru into his pressed white robes, and went about running his hands over the creases and curves of the body and ensuring it hung perfectly. He tied the stash dutifully about his Lord's waist, and hung the two swords in their proper places. Jaken lingered with his small hands over the sheathed Tenseiga and then played it off as he pretended to fold the empty sleeve properly in place.

"Lord Sesshoumaru?"

Sesshoumaru shook his head from his daydream and was surprised with himself. He had been fighting the sensation that he was forgetting something, and the way he was startled by someone as loud as Jaken annoyed him. He gave the vassal a withering glare as he waited.

"Lord Sesshoumaru, pardon." Jaken meeped as he continued to fake his grooming. "But we are leaving, correct?"

Sesshoumaru waited.

"Well my Lord, I have the dragon prepared, as well as provisions. Lady Kannon said he would meet us at the gate, to bid us farewell. All is prepared milord, as you requested."  
"Get on with it."

"Only, milord, that it feels like we have lacking something. Something is missing."

Sesshoumaru arched a brow. Jaken was many things, but intuitive and careful were not counted among his abilities. "Such as?"

"Something important." Jaken mumbled. "I cannot expound beyond that."

Sesshoumaru stopped himself from agreeing. His hand went subconsciously to Tenseiga's hilt, and he pulled away quickly. He looked down at the sword and frowned. It was angry with him, determined somehow to warn him or spur him to action, Sesshoumaru couldn't tell. He did know, however, that whatever Tenseiga wanted had something to do with the feeling of uneasiness in his stomach. Somehow, someway he knew something was wrong.

He just couldn't tell what.

"It is this place." He told Jaken. "In Kannon's domain, much can be lost. If we are not careful, we would lose…"

Something strange danced upon the air then, catching Sesshoumaru's attention. It was a scent. A dead thing, a small thing that was mingled with flowers and sweat that clung to his brain long after it passed. It was a human's scent. Sesshoumaru turned, sniffing the air for the origin of the smell and attempting to recall where from where it had come. Sesshoumaru _knew _it. It had spurred him to action before, and had stayed his hand. But when pushed, Sesshoumaru could not place the scent, nor the human's face. It felt for a moment as if it had been washed from his mind.

But it was on his clothes, Sesshoumaru realized looking down. It clung to him, pushing into his senses and demanding attention but not releasing any other clue to its identity. Yet it lingered on him, seeped into his mind and his mantle. Idly, Sesshoumaru ran his hand down his boa, in thought. He knew this scent. He knew this person.

But how?

"Jaken. We're leaving."

"Yes milord in a moment, but …oh my Lord don't leave me!"

Sesshoumaru had already pushed outside before Jaken caught up with him. The Courtyard was filled with Kannon's servants and her sacrifices. The women looked up at him, smiled respectfully, and then went about their chores as if he had not existed at all. Sesshoumaru frowned a little. He had been here for some time, but could not seem to remember how long or in truth what had progressed.

Something had happened. Something had changed.

And Sesshoumaru had a sickening feeling that it was he. For good or bad, he did not know as of yet.

"Where will you go, Sesshoumaru Lord?" Kannon asked as she appeared from behind him, carrying a child on her hip. Sesshoumaru half-turned and made an effort to hide a smile. He was grateful for the respite he had taken from her, though he remembered little. He felt refreshed, unleashed in a manner despite the grave fears that plagued his mind.

"I thought to find Tama." He told her. "And then Naraku. He is a new enemy but one who has hindered me for too long."

"How did he wrong you? This Naraku…"

Sesshoumaru frowned, and shook his head. "It matters little. The offense was done. The vengeance likewise. In time."

"Why do you seek Tama?"

"I…miss him." Sesshoumaru admitted uncomfortably after a time. "I feel as if something has passed between us I need to amend."

"And who is Sesshoumaru that he feels the need to make amends?" Kannon teased lightly, her dim eyes bearing darkly into him.

Sesshoumaru smiled then, and turned, favoring the girl on Kannon's hip with a soft look. The girl, around seven years for a human, blushed deeply and smiled at him. The smile reminded Sesshoumaru of someone. She seemed to want to speak to him but chose not to. He was a little disappointed that she hadn't.

"I am the Hunger." He told her lightly, returning the tease in turn. "Never stratified nor content. Why should I be pleased with our relationship as it is?"

"Sesshoumaru," Kannon whispered and looked as if she wanted to speak. The child was staring at her expectantly. "Do not forget me. Do not think you cannot return, and…claim what perhaps you thought to lose."

"What are you talking about, milady?" Sesshoumaru asked, laughing at his concern. Then, when he saw that she had not smile. "Kannon," He called softly. His golden eyes searching for an understanding that would not come. "Do you weep?"

"I do." She responded, and inhaled, pulling her attention back to the present. She kneeled down, and with the arm that was not cradling the child, she hugged Jaken tightly. "Do not forget me either, my little Lord. You are the true reason I suffer Sesshoumaru's whims. When you are done with him, I will bring you to my court and make you my lover." She cooed playfully.

Jaken pulled himself and sputtered. "I am in my Lord's faithful service, Goddess. None can tear me from my duty."

"Then I envy the Western Lord." She smiled. "Oh kiss me, Jaken and promise you will not forget me."

"Of course, milady. Of course." Jaken continued. He was frowning, but secretly, Sesshoumaru knew he cherished Kannon's attention. One did not shy away from Kannon. Putting his small arms around Kannon, he gave her a kiss on the cheek that Kannon turned at the last second to meet with her lips. Jaken blushed but did not get angry. Then, without reason, he reached over and hugged the girl Kannon held.

To Sesshoumaru's surprise, the girl returned Jaken's embrace tightly. Jaken brushed back the girl's hair, and patted her head before returning dutifully to his side.

"Be well," Kannon said easily as she rose, "and be happy in the life you've chosen."

Sesshoumaru frowned as he took the reigns of Ah-Un and let Jaken claw up to the saddle. He ran his hand over the leather, and turned as if he had meant to help someone else unto the dragon's back. This was foolishness.

It was Sesshoumaru and Jaken, as it had been for centuries and would continue to be. When had that been any different? He couldn't remember a time without Jaken, and was a little disgusted to think that there should ever be someone else that dared encroach on their time.

Sesshoumaru walked Jaken out of courtyard, and into the forests. He did something childish then, and something that if he was true with himself he should regret. He turned back to stare at Kannon.

The child in her arms was watching him with deep, sad eyes that followed even the slightest of his movements. She was a skinny little whisper of a thing, really with wild unruly hair that knotted in a little ponytail on top of her head. She wore a dirty little red dress with a green obi, and its age surprised Sesshoumaru. She must have been a new arrival; as of yet unattended too by Kannon and her servants. But she had a smile that seared even Sesshoumaru heart. He was not one to be impressed by humans but this girl.

This girl was different.

He just wished he could figure out where he'd seen her before.


End file.
